Release, Let Go, Recover

Helpers on the path.

It would be fair to say that this year, I had done a lot, a great big lot, of releasing. You know, letting go of things that no longer serve my highest good, letting go of situations, people, places, spaces, everything. Not necessarily (consciously) voluntarily, either. And not always with the grace I would like to imagine I possess. Even when I know that letting go of something is good for me, that I will be better off for it, there is still that part of me that was attached to that thing/person/place, that screams 'noooo, hold on!', and it can be a little bit painful to actually release and let go. It can be painful, it can be scary, it can cause upheaval in your life, it can leave you feeling completely unsure of your direction, of where you're going, of what you want out of life. It can feel like the hardest thing in the world when the people who were close to you are the ones you realise you need to let go of, and you find yourself in the space between - when the old and outdated has left, but the new and different has yet to appear. That can be shaky territory, that one. Every single time, even when I know it, when I've been there before and I trust in it. Still shaky territory. Let's face it, letting go of something familiar that you're attached to, no matter how much you truly need to, is kinda hard.

So in all that, I've also had to learn how to do the work, and cope with day to day life of solo parenting a toddler. That's just my circumstance, everybody has their own day-to-day life that they need to attend to. And when it feels like your world is falling in, like the solid ground beneath your feet has given way to a shaky, wobbly old plateau instead, when you're feeling around in the dark waiting for the light that you know will come, you still need to eat, sleep, rest, socialise, play, work, tidy and clean, exercise, meditate - all of the things. It's not like you can actually press pause, no matter how much you might sometimes like to. And for me, that's where the part about Recover comes in. Release, Let Go, Recover. A release happens - a change, a shift in awareness or consciousness. It brings stuff to the surface to be dealt with, and sometimes it hurts. So you Let Go - you feel it, you accept it, you know that This Too Shall Pass and you trust as best you can in the process. And then you Recover. What does that even mean, Recover?

Back in my twenties, I spent countless hours each week riding my bike, training for races and always pushing, pushing pushing. When I wasn't riding, I was in the gym working on my strength, and my mind was always going - analysing, over-analysing, and over-over-analysing. And the single biggest thing I did wrong was not give myself a chance to recover. Because for every time you push your body, you need to let it recover, so that it can be stronger for the next time. If you don't allow the recovery, you just get tired, weak, run down, exhausted, and before long, you're too tired to even do the sessions to push the body. My single biggest weakness, has always been in not allowing for the downtime, for the recovery. And I've seen the exact same pattern appear in my spiritual growth, of pushing on, expanding awareness, experiencing the release, and not truly giving my body enough time to deal with it, process it, before I'm off and pushing for the next thing again. It could be said that I'm a slow learner.

I'm now making a very, very conscious effort to fully recover, to nurture my body, accept the down-time needed after making any shifts, after releases, big and small. Trying to give myself down time before it is forced upon me by a meltdown, and still failing at times too. So it goes, right? But it terms of actually allowing the Recovery, these are some of the things I do that help:

I sleep. I acknowledge that my body is working, energy is moving, things are clearing and sometimes, the very best state to be in is to be unconscious and out of the way, letting the body just do what it needs to do. Sleep is the way. Getting to be an hour earlier, even if it's every other night, helps me.

I soak in a bath. Granted, by the time I get to the bath, I'm usually at meltdown point but occasionally I get there when I need it, not well and truly after. Adding salts and essential oils to the bath (Sweet Orange is my favourite), lighting a candle and keeping some helpful water-happy crystals close by (Rose Quartz, Mangano Calcite are good) all help the body to fully relax. Making sure the water is high enough to cover the heart, keeping the heart chakra warm and comforted. Some meditative breathing, allowing the warm water to gently soothe and heal.

I get outside. Not in an active or strenuous kind of way, but in a gentle way that soothes the soul. A little garden pottering, a gentle wander in a forest, hugging a tree. Seriously, hug a tree and feel the energy that radiates from it, it so quickly clears and puts everything into perspective. For me, anyway.

I give myself space. Not always an easy thing with a busy toddler buzzing around, and it usually means being climbed all over by my little. But just giving myself a little time out, accepting that everything that needs doing can wait a while - 5 minutes, 10 minutes, whatever it takes, and it's usually not all that long. Just a little time out, a mental break, where nothing needs to be done and I can just 'be'.

I listen to my body. This is a big one, as the body always knows what it needs, but so often we are too busy with life to be tuned in and listening. Sometimes my body wants nothing more than to lie on the couch (ok, I rarely get that one), sometimes it is screaming at me to move through some yoga poses, sometimes it says a great big 'no' to my daily coffee (that is often over-ridden), sometimes my body is saying 'please drink more water' and sometimes my body is saying no to certain foods, and even to the amount of food I eat - the body knows exactly what to do. The more we get out of the way, the better it works.

I think this list could go on and on but I'm going to leave it there. I'm sure you get the idea. Giving the body grace and space to recover from any release, any emotional upheaval, any clearing out. I'm learning (ever so slowly, mind!) to let this body recover, before I go pushing it again.

And when all that still fails, just say OM.

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I'm finding these days that whatever I planned to write about when I sat down, disappears as soon as I start tapping at the keys and something entirely different comes through. In all honesty, I have no idea what's coming to this space next. It's always been a little that way; often seeing the words I type is like the lightbulb of clarity surrounding the thoughts floating though my head. These days, all I know is that if I sit to write, something will come out, and it's not going to be what I planned. So it goes.