Motherhood and The Spiritual Path

I saw a beautiful Tarot card image recently, an interesting, and beautiful, depiction of The Lovers that showed a woman clearly facing a decision between two paths - one being the spiritual path and the other being the mothering, family path. The card really stuck a cord with me, and it brought up for me something I have often pondered.

For me, the spiritual path has become the driving force in my life. Since that kundalini thing happened; I know this as I felt the shift. But that's what happens, it changes you from the inside out and I feel completely blessed that that has been my experience. I find myself now utterly devoted to resolving all issues of separation and becoming all that I AM in unity, in alignment with the highest aspects of my divine soul self. It sounds complicated but really, what it means in more everyday terms is that I intend to deal with all the the emotional baggage I am carrying, or have ever carried - be that in this lifetime or previous lifetimes, be that on this planet or in other forms of existence. It's a big job, because there's always something else to deal with, to resolve. This karmic connection or that. And then there is the aspect of moving through everyday life, without developing further emotional issues to be resolved. Of moving through everyday life being in the flow, being in the moment and finding acceptance. Of watching myself, to see where the sore spots are, what gets me annoyed and irritable, what sparks my temper, and encouraging and allowing myself to release control and let things just be (ahh, control issues!). To let life wash over me and not have to 'do' anything; to just 'be'.

I have often caught myself thinking how wonderful it would be to just focus entirely on my spiritual practice - the aspects of meditation, prayer, healing, channeling. Of being guided and in close contact with higher dimensions. All of these things I do, but I can only give it my full attention in my evenings, a few hours a day at most. So I wonder, what would it be like to devote my entire days to this practice? Imagine how quickly I would evolve! Imagine how much 'stuff' I could deal with! Imaging the blissfully deep meditations I could stay in, and stay in, and stay in, and stay in... And then at some point my imaginings are broken by a toddler needing a mama to kiss it better, or read a book, or the mountain of washing that seems to never diminish (seriously, there's only two of us, why so much washing?), or the dishes in the kitchen that need attention, or wondering what are we going to eat this week, or remembering to feed the cats, and the dog, and the neighbourhood rabbit. And take the bins out. You know, the simple, routine tasks of everyday life, and particularly the life of being a mother (or father, for that matter) at home with a young child, where so much of the focus, of necessity and given graciously, is on another.

But every time I find myself wondering about the devoted spiritual path, I look at my own life, and I realise I wouldn't change it. Because to me, the challenge is in bringing the spiritual aspects to my everyday life, to make it the deeply spiritual existence I crave. At the moments when I'm tired and grumpy, when my toddler is tired and grumpy, and worst - when we're both tired and grumpy. When I feel the pull of all the things I'd love to be doing - going for a run, or a ride, or to that yoga class - all the things I would love to do for me, but which are just not an option most of the time.Those times are a minefield of opportunity for spiritual practice. Truly, it is so easy to connect to the higher aspects of myself in meditation. It's there, it's me, it is who I AM. It is in finding, in feeling, that connection when my life shows me all my points of disconnect that I truly make the greatest spiritual progress. When the dinner hour is falling to pieces and I ask 'how can I bring more love to this situation?'. When I look around my home and feel weighed down by seemingly endless jobs to be done. When my child is wide awake at a time when I desperately want him to be asleep, and my own inner child fixates on the unfairness of it all. And I choose to accept it, to open up to it and to offer no resistance to it, and do it all with gratitude and kindness. At least, I try to...

And it's all a work in progress, this life, as I am presented with opportunity after opportunity to bring about a merging of my spiritual path and my everyday life of raising a small child. Motherhood is the most demanding role I have ever had, and it shows me day in and day out where my spiritual work is at.

So perhaps it is time to move away from polarity, from the either/or choices of spiritual devotion or motherhood, and allow for the possibility that a truly, deeply spiritual life can be lived in the everyday; in the messy, beautiful, demanding and ultimately amazing and rewarding experience that is motherhood. That is my path.

And besides, you can't send them back, can you. Kidding...

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It's been a while since I posted on the blog. I have really considered the future of this blog many times, and during my time away decided that I absolutely, positively would not write here any more. And then I was very strongly guided that I would indeed write here again. And it has taken a good while to figure out just what this blog will be about now. Well, that's not entirely true. I know that in essence, this blog is about my spiritual path. I just have no idea how that will be expressed. I simply do not know. So if you're interested on joining me for this journey, I would love to have you stay. I am completely aware that the changes in my writing, in what I write about, in how I write, will not resonate with some, and will resonate more strongly with others. So it goes, right? It's good to be back.