On Doing Nothing

By 'doing nothing', I don't mean literally doing nothing in life. By 'doing nothing', I mean being so still inside, that my response situations I find challenging is to do 'nothing'.

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I've been through my own roller coaster ride of emotions over the past months. I have noticed different ways of dealing with them. Some get hidden, as they're too hard to feel. Some get me all worked up and angry, and see me reacting in ways I don't want to. Some just make me want to cry. And in amongst all of that, I'm often in a fairly happy place. I am most definitely in a place of greater awareness.

It is the awareness that is the important part. To me, when I am aware of what is going on, when I am aware that emotions are simply feelings that arise - important, necessary, essential feelings - when I am aware, I can experience all of them. I don't try to block them, or hide them, or repress them, or express them. Or react to them. I am being in a place of awareness where I can watch and observe, feel and experience everything, every hurt, every pain, every joy, and know that I don't have to do anything.

Not that I don't want to express joy and love and positive emotions; I do. I think perhaps awareness is what gives me the choice of expression, of what to express and how to express those emotions.

So every time I get angry about this or that or the other thing that my husband did or did not do, I am learning to just feel the feeling, let it all go through me, and do nothing.

Every time I feel like I cannot do this on my own, that I don't want to do this on my own, I allow myself to feel it, accept it, embrace it. And do nothing. Except perhaps get on with it.

Every time a hurt that I don't want to acknowledge rises up, I let myself acknowledge it. I let my body feel it, really really  feel that hurt, feel where I'm holding on to it in my body. Feel all the things I want to do in defence of that hurt. And then do nothing.

Every time my life frustrations bubble to the surface, and I'm grateful when they do, I give myself a chance to feel them, fully experience them, and know that I am safe in myself, safe to do nothing.

I think for the first time, I am finding the true learning in my life situations. I am not looking to avoid situations I suspect will be difficult. I am learning to embrace those situations, as they are the ones that give me the best practice at breathing into it, being still, and doing nothing. Truly know that it will pass, that everything, every situation, every feeling, is so fleeting. It all does pass, and to experience it fully in the moment, without avoidance or reaction, is the only way. It just is.

And I'm finding a lot of strength in doing nothing. And I'm finding that I'm getting better at it, the more I practice it. And I could certainly do with some more practice. I'm sure my life path with provide me with plenty.

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I have not been around the blog much of late. I have simply had my hands full, and to be honest, I've been finding a creative outlet in the making of things, rather than the writing of words. It seems to be what works for me, physical movement of my body is what moves energy through me. Be that doing big heavy jobs in the garden, or the repetitive task if picking up horse manure (this is my favourite way to be in the moment, it's quite meditative, truly!), or working quietly on little pieces inside at night. So that is why I have not been typing many words. That, and I'm trying to work out what the heck to do with myself and my little one now (maybe I should just do nothing!). But I'm still around, and the words will flow again.