Prayer.

I think one of the biggest things I have learned in the past year, with my awakening and the life events that followed, is to have faith in the power of prayer. I pretty much went from someone who prayed maybe once every 5 years to someone who prays, heaps. I mean heaps. 

I suppose that I now see how powerful it is, to pray, and literally ask for help from above with things in life. I have seen almost immediate results in some cases - I pray for more money in the bank and a sale goes through my shop shortly after. I pray for guidance and I find it in the words of someone on my Instagram feed. I pray to be filled with love energy and I can instantly feel my heart chakra pumping. 

Those are pretty small examples, or perhaps not small but just very specific. I pray a lot more for the big stuff, not just for me but for everyone on this here planet we live on. I have faith in the power of prayer, and sometimes that is all I have faith in. Once upon a time I thought prayer was only for religious people, so I was put off as I was never drawn to organised religion (Buddhism aside, but I find that more philosophy than religion). I was wrong; there is nothing religious about prayer. 

We live in an imperfect world, where many many wrongs and injustices have taken place and continue to take place. I wonder just how many of us it takes, to pray for things to be different, to bring about real change. To be honest, I gave up on politics as a means of change a very long time ago. Long before I knew of other ways to effect change. But now I do know other ways, and prayer is a big one of those. 

Can I ask one thing? If you feel so inclined, could you join me in a prayer - anytime, anywhere, everywhere. I just pray that children are safe and protected in this world. All children, everywhere.

That's me for today. 

A Winter Break

Back a few months ago now, I decided that we were going to take a winter break. Be that at home or going away somewhere, it really didn't matter. I just knew that winter time, this year at least, is time to have a break. 

And I didn't think too much more about it. Well, that's not entirely true, as I did map out a trip for us to take. I still don't know if we will go away or stay home, and still believe it doesn't really matter that much either way. What matters is the break. 

So I am taking a break from blogging and it seems I've already been on that break for a few weeks now. Sometimes things just happen that way, you know.

In reality, I have had no break yet. Let's just say that sometimes life just hands you a great big pile of shit to deal with. Excuse my language but there really is no other word to describe the situation. My little dude and I moved house at very short notice, my usual support network (mum) disappeared from the scene and I had absolutely no idea how I was going to pull off our move. A most amazing friend stepped forward, having been there and done that, and quite literally made it happen for us. So I'm feeling completely humbled and grateful, and I know that one day when I get a chance to help someone out like that, I most certainly will. But right now I'm trying to sort out a new home and cull even more of our belongings. 

And in between all that, I try to stay as immersed as I can in my spiritual practice. My spiritual practice, strengthening my connection to energy, to source, has become such a driving force in my life. Since that kundalini thing I suppose. But the deeper I go, the deeper still I want to go. And I've learned amazing ways of doing so. Right now, I'm going back through my major past hurts - things like relationship breakups, dodgy teenage boyfriends, marriage failure - just those light sort of things... But attached to all those things is emotion, and where there is emotion there is energy. And I want my energy back. I want my energy to be flowing free so I can create the life I want now, without ties to any past events. It's a time consuming process! I write everything down, all those old hurts and things, in a special little book and I sit with them all, one by one, and feel them fully and let the energy be released, let the emotion go. It is incredibly effective. 

So for July at least, that is where I will be. Taking a break from most of my normal "stuff" and doing some big, big inner work. Be that in our new home or on the road. I would love to say I'm taking a break from Instagram but I know I'd be lying (I'm so addicted but I can justify it as being shop related!) so you can always find me there (@the.little.crystal). And otherwise, I'll see you in August. Have a beautiful month!

Awake.

I really did not know whether to write this story here. I wanted to write it, I always write about the big things. And always here. But this was different. Anyway in the end I decided that I would just write it, and put it here. It's just easier that way.

This is the story of my spontaneous kundalini awakening, which happened in early January 2015. When I realised what was going on, I googled to find other people's experiences, just for reassurance more than anything, and to help understand what was happening. There really weren't that many accounts, and I don't know why that is. But I hope that in writing my story, it may be useful and reassuring to someone else, some day.

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I guess I have done a lot of spiritual work over the years. Before I even knew what spiritual work was really, it was just stuff that I was drawn to. I was always drawn to the Tibetan stuff - it started with a  Buddhist meditation retreat, ongoing practice of Tibetan Buddhist meditation teachings, a trip in 2010 to do a 3 week mountain bike ride from Lhasa to Kathmandu. An almost-obsession with Tibetan quartz crystals. Tibetan Buddhist artwork, singing bowls, my Tibetan Turquoise mala I bought at a market in Lhasa. There is a lot of Tibetan spiritual stuff going on. It just resonates, I guess.

So it was a complete surprise for me, to experience a kundalini awakening. Because that was not my path. I knew it was something of the Hindu faith, I knew it was something to do with yoga. And that's about all I knew. I knew it existed, and I knew people followed certain practices to attain it, and since I was not doing those things, it had never entered my head as a possibility that it would be something I would experience. I didn't make a connection about any counterpart to a kundalini in Tibetan Buddhism. To be completely honest, it is not something I would ever have pursued. I just don't pursue those things. Psychic abilities, spiritual awakenings, opening third eyes, all that stuff. I did not pursue anything, I just followed my own path, and I was happy doing that.

The big catalyst for my awakening was a miscarriage; the loss of my second child at 12 weeks pregnant, in what were to me distressing circumstances. That marked the change, the energetic shift. That was in early December 2014. (I wrote about it here.) The first few weeks afterwards saw me resting, I was rebuilding physically and coming to terms with it emotionally. By around Christmas time I was up and about a bit more, and by late December I was feeling in a happier place.

I was healing. See, that experience made me face my biggest fear, which was, I suppose, a fear of dying. As I thought I might die, and I didn't want to. But I had to let go of control, I had no control over my body in that time. I couldn't change it, it was going to happen as it was going to happen. So I had to accept that. And in doing that, I found myself in a strange place. I won't go into all that as I've written a little about it before (here and here) but the point is, I was healing. Not just the current hurts, but the old ones, the ones buried within, that I was carrying around with me. I was experiencing them all come up, one by one, to be faced and dealt with. It really was an intense time of growth spiritually, and of letting go, and even of seeing just what my fears were. Some of them I had no idea were in there. Some I did.

I suppose that process culminated in the actual awakening experience. It was a Friday night. I had been feeling strange the past two evenings, experiencing panic attack kind of things, and panicking that I might be dying. It was that fear, I suppose. So I started feeling strange again on that Friday evening. I was in the shed when it just - happened. Spontaneously, although looking at the lead-up to it, it was not spontaneous at all. It just felt spontaneous as I had no idea I was on the path for that.

So what actually happened. Well, I felt weird in my body. Off, somehow. It's hard to describe. I felt my body unwind from the spine up, chink chink chink chink chink all the way up. I had experienced a few similar things but the other times had been going from the head down, through the neck, shoulders, arms and body. Anway, next thing I know there is a flash of five spinning spheres of energy, I saw it in front of me. All different colours. I felt the flash in my body. And then it felt like I was tripping. Which I barely even know what feels like. Colours were so vibrant, everything I looked at just looked incredible to my eyes. I was in a daze really, part of me quite freaked out and the other part enjoying the experience. It was amazing, when I wasn't experiencing my freak out state, my experience was truly blissful. I wandered around to see Harmony and Flo, spend some time with them, doing something grounding. Giving me something to focus on, to breath with. Walking around on a cloud, in a cloud.

That was the initial 'explosion' I guess you could say. After that I spent the next few hours inside, between the kitchen and the couch. The energy kept coming over me in waves. They would last for a few minutes, then subside and drift away and I was left in the blissful place. Then I would feel it building again, and definitely with apprehension each time, but having absolutely no choice but to sit through it, move through it, just be present and know that it would pass.

At this stage I had no idea what was going on. At times, I was still terrified I was going to die; I had no idea what this experience was. I had no reference point for it. Why was my body doing this? My heart beat felt wildly fast, but I couldn't focus my attention enough to take my pulse. I was cold and shivering, on a warm summer night. I felt like I was hovering 3 inches outside my body, and couldn't control it. That was disturbing. During each wave I was holding to a large black tourmaline crystal and a flat riverstone, and a keeping a big garnet close by. That riverstone was amazing, it was just grounding, pure and simple. Earthing and grounding. And then I felt 'Om' resonate through my being. That was the point at which I knew (mostly) that something spiritual was going on. I knew Om was supposed to be the primal sound, and when I felt it rise up through me, I was pretty blown away. It came from somewhere down in grounding chakra territory. Maybe the hara, maybe the root chakra. I'm not sure.

Eventually I felt like it had passed enough to have a shower and go to bed. And that's when I started googling (yes, in bed). And that's when I knew with certainty what had happened. A Kundalini awakening. And apparently, it was only the start. To say I was apprehensive about what might come next would be an understatement. Because who knows? You just don't know. All I know is, when Kundalini rises, there is nothing you can do. You cannot control that energy. It is spirit pure and simple. And out of it, my hair changed, it started parting on the other side. I started to smell incense all the time, when most of the time there was none burning. I was feeling a new buzz in my body, but I had no idea what it was all about. I was wondering what it all meant.

So on that night when that happened, I only saw 5 chakras. I knew instantly what they were when I saw them, and yet at that point, only a few months ago, I couldn't even tell you what colour was associated with each chakra. I just hadn't really given much attention to chakra-based stuff in my spiritual path, as I said, it was more Tibetan teachings that I was drawn to. Thirteen days later, the last two chakras spun and popped, is probably the only way I can describe it. I was watering the tomatoes at the time. I experienced a brilliant explosion of light in my head, and an experience of seeing, knowing, feeling that we are one. That every single one of us is connected, in everything we do. Everything is connected. We are one.

We are one.

And now it's April, and life looks pretty different. Kundalini makes things change. You have to change,  there is just no other way. The energy is too intense, you can't ignore it. You can't bury it, turn away from it. You have to go through it and change. Let go of things, situations, people. Be drawn to new things, situations, people. It is just how it is. It's like life version 2.0. Before I was asleep, to everything. Now I am awake.

On Doing Nothing

By 'doing nothing', I don't mean literally doing nothing in life. By 'doing nothing', I mean being so still inside, that my response situations I find challenging is to do 'nothing'.

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I've been through my own roller coaster ride of emotions over the past months. I have noticed different ways of dealing with them. Some get hidden, as they're too hard to feel. Some get me all worked up and angry, and see me reacting in ways I don't want to. Some just make me want to cry. And in amongst all of that, I'm often in a fairly happy place. I am most definitely in a place of greater awareness.

It is the awareness that is the important part. To me, when I am aware of what is going on, when I am aware that emotions are simply feelings that arise - important, necessary, essential feelings - when I am aware, I can experience all of them. I don't try to block them, or hide them, or repress them, or express them. Or react to them. I am being in a place of awareness where I can watch and observe, feel and experience everything, every hurt, every pain, every joy, and know that I don't have to do anything.

Not that I don't want to express joy and love and positive emotions; I do. I think perhaps awareness is what gives me the choice of expression, of what to express and how to express those emotions.

So every time I get angry about this or that or the other thing that my husband did or did not do, I am learning to just feel the feeling, let it all go through me, and do nothing.

Every time I feel like I cannot do this on my own, that I don't want to do this on my own, I allow myself to feel it, accept it, embrace it. And do nothing. Except perhaps get on with it.

Every time a hurt that I don't want to acknowledge rises up, I let myself acknowledge it. I let my body feel it, really really  feel that hurt, feel where I'm holding on to it in my body. Feel all the things I want to do in defence of that hurt. And then do nothing.

Every time my life frustrations bubble to the surface, and I'm grateful when they do, I give myself a chance to feel them, fully experience them, and know that I am safe in myself, safe to do nothing.

I think for the first time, I am finding the true learning in my life situations. I am not looking to avoid situations I suspect will be difficult. I am learning to embrace those situations, as they are the ones that give me the best practice at breathing into it, being still, and doing nothing. Truly know that it will pass, that everything, every situation, every feeling, is so fleeting. It all does pass, and to experience it fully in the moment, without avoidance or reaction, is the only way. It just is.

And I'm finding a lot of strength in doing nothing. And I'm finding that I'm getting better at it, the more I practice it. And I could certainly do with some more practice. I'm sure my life path with provide me with plenty.

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I have not been around the blog much of late. I have simply had my hands full, and to be honest, I've been finding a creative outlet in the making of things, rather than the writing of words. It seems to be what works for me, physical movement of my body is what moves energy through me. Be that doing big heavy jobs in the garden, or the repetitive task if picking up horse manure (this is my favourite way to be in the moment, it's quite meditative, truly!), or working quietly on little pieces inside at night. So that is why I have not been typing many words. That, and I'm trying to work out what the heck to do with myself and my little one now (maybe I should just do nothing!). But I'm still around, and the words will flow again.

Grieving, Healing

In my last post, a dear long time reader left a comment that, well, cracked the shell I've managed to construct around myself right open. A comment about grief, and it hit me that yes, I am actually grieving. I have been so busy with the day to day tasks of life, I've not had much time to contemplate how things really are. Things are not as I thought they would be.

The past six months have seen upheaval in my life. In October, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. In December, I had a traumatic miscarriage at home and lost the baby. In Feburary, my husband and I separated. And now it's March, late March even. 

My husband and I separated. I've not talked about it on the blog because it's still so new, and raw. And it feels completely surreal, to be honest. 

The thing I never ever wanted in life was to be a single parent. I have nothing against single parents - I was raised by a single parent and I think single parents do an amazing job. I just wanted to give my child a family, a whole, loving, caring nurturing family. Not a split and splintered version where Mum lives here and Dad lives there. And now, that is exactly what I have given him. We have given him. And that is breaking my heart.

I am still grieving the loss of my baby. I am grieving the loss of my husband, the loss of our family unit. I am grieving the loss of the family I wanted to have. At a time when I wanted to be trying again for another baby, I find myself picking up the shattered pieces of my marriage, and trying to manage three acres, six chickens, two cats, a welcomed-home dog, two wild equines, a household and a toddler, on a significantly reduced budget, on my own. 

There hasn't been enough time or space for me to grieve, every day has been a marathon to get everything done, and attempt to get to bed at a reasonable hour. But slowly, bit by bit, it is happening. And slowly, bit by bit, I am healing. 

It's not all bad news. In the past six months, I have also got a new mountain bike (ridden twice), experienced much spiritual growth and change and healing, and have transformed our garden into something that I love. The gardening has been my saviour. The physical activity, the exertion. The creative problem solving. The fitting things into place, just right. The Getting It Done that I've been doing. And I've started a shop, and that is helping me too. And reiki, that has helped me too.

I have learned to take each day at a time, each hour at a time, each minute at a time. I have developed a closer bond with my little boy than what I had before. I am getting so much help and support from my mother. And we are getting through this. 

I have no idea where this life path is taking me now. I thought I was in control, but right now, I'm just having faith that this is what I need, that this is for my highest good and that these changes are positive, in the long run. I do know that I have my spiritual path, and I have faith in that. And I will ride that damn mountain bike, too. That part of me has been sorely missed. And I am just so grateful to have my little boy by my side.

Our loss.

I don't even know where to start this story, but I feel I have to get it out. Maybe it will help me process all that has happened. Maybe it won't. But I need to write this story out, to stop the loop playing over and over in my head, so here it is. I think a lot of people don't talk about miscarriage, keep it very close to their chest. I can understand that. It's one of the most upsetting things, one of those things you just never want to happen to you. It happened to me. It happens to lots of women, but maybe not often in the circumstances I faced. In times past perhaps, my story may have been more common.

I was a touch over 12 weeks pregnant, and I had a miscarriage. Please, if you are pregnant, if you want to be pregnant or are planning on becoming pregnant, please don't read this. I just feel that sometimes, someone else's story can cause fears which are just not necessary. I don't want to give anyone unnecessary fears. But I do want to tell my story. It's very much just 'as it happened' but as I said, I just need to get it out. And I warn you, it is detailed and it is upsetting. And I think questions need to be asked about the medical care I received during this ordeal.

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I had a feeling something was not right with this pregnancy. I was concerned, and made an appointment for a 12 week scan at Maryborough District Health Radiology (our nearest centre). The scan was recommended to check for signs of down syndrome. Honestly, this was not an issue for us, as we wouldn't have changed anything even if it did seem likely. I just wanted to see that everything was ok. I guess my instinct was telling me that it wasn't. My referral was written by an Eligible Midwife who I had contacted to undertake my prenatal care (I had previously got a referral to her from my doctor). She was perfectly entitled to write this referral under the terms of her registration.

My appointment at Maryborough was to be on Friday morning. When I arrived, everything was fine but after a short wait the receptionist came into the public waiting area and advised me that I couldn't have the scan as the referral needed to be from a doctor. I had a perfectly legitimate referral and I was turned away. I was distraught, as the previous evening I had been feeling very 'periody' for want of a better word, a sign that the pregnancy was not ok. I was desperate to have the scan to see if everything was ok, with a gut feeling that it wasn't. Back in the carpark, I phoned Castlemaine Health to see if they would make an appointment for me and accept my referral. They did and the soonest they could get me in was the following Tuesday.

On Saturday evening, about 6pm, I started having light bleeding. Being already concerned about the pregnancy, we went to Bendigo Hospital (myself, my husband, our 20 month old son). It is roughly a 50 minute drive to the hospital for us and it was almost 9pm when we got there. During my wait in the emergency department the bleeding increased a bit and I started to feel very crampy, both signs of miscarriage. I notified the staff and I was seen to very shortly after. An Ob/Gyn doctor arrived some time later, Dr Wendy, who examined me and did an ultrasound (using a portable machine). She was not entirely sure whether there was a miscarriage or a threatened miscarriage, and was suggesting a full ultrasound at Radiology on the Sunday. She called her boss, Dr Eric, the Ob/Gyn Registrar, who arrived a while later. He brought with him a different and seemingly more powerful ultrasound machine, which showed the baby not moving and with no discernable heartbeat. He said it was a miscarriage, but that the full ultrasound at Radiology was still required. He decided against Sunday and instead made an appointment for me on the Monday at 11am. I was then told to go home. It was about 3:40am.

So at this stage I was experiencing light bleeding and cramping, I was 12 weeks along in the pregnancy, and was confirmed to have a foetus with no heartbeat. Why I was sent home, under those circumstances, I do not know. But I do think the question needs to be asked. With the instructions for going home, I was advised to come back to emergency if the bleeding was heavy - if I was soaking a pad every 2 hours. I was told to take paracetamol for the pain. These were the only things that were said to me about the process from that point on.

We went home and had a very quiet day on Sunday. I experienced some light bleeding in the morning but very little, almost nothing during the afternoon. I was feeling crampy during the day. Feeling these things, knowing that the baby had no heartbeat and feeling my body starting to respond, I felt a sense of closure, of knowing that it was real, not just something seen on a screen. From around 6pm onwards the cramps started to increase in intensity, becoming really very painful, but they were still not accompanied by bleeding. So with the instructions I had been given, I was not overly concerned. I thought the bleeding might start in the night and we might have to go back to the hospital. Having said that, I was scared within myself, and had said to my husband that I just didn't want to be alone.

At about 10pm, I had a shower to help myself feel a bit better, and was planning to just go to bed and wait it out. During my shower some heavier bleeding started to occur. A few minutes later, I miscarried the whole sac and the foetus, it all came right out just like that. I was absolutely distraught, terrified, in shock. The sac disappeared down the drain and the foetus was caught in the drain. I screamed and screamed and screamed, my husband came rushing in with our son in his arms (who he had been trying to settle to sleep), and was equally distraught. My son saw me screaming and with blood all about the place. It was horrific. Worse than a nightmare, because it was real. 

This was the most distressing thing I have ever experienced. I couldn't bring myself to pick it up, the foetus, my little dead tiny baby. I was so scared that I would break it, or that I would somehow make it go down the drain. I had to get my husband to do it. I never, never, in a million years, expected that to happen. I just wasn't prepared to deal with it. On the one hand, my instinctive brain knew exactly what was happening. Those cramps, there were spaced pretty evenly apart and were very consistent. They hurt like hell. I have been in labour once before, and I know what it's about. But my thinking brain had never considered that this could actually happen. My thinking brain was not functioning. It was horrible. I would never, ever want anyone to experience what I experienced.

Then the bleeding started, and there was so much bleeding. I  was still distraught, sitting on the edge of the bath as the blood just kept coming. I asked my husband to call an ambulance, I heard him on the phone giving details and it felt like an eternity. I just wanted to scream 'NOW! NOW!' but what good would it have done. I tried to get myself into some clothes and waited on the lounge room floor for the ambulance to arrive, soaking my clothes with blood while I was lying there. I was terrified I was going to die from blood loss. I was terrified my son would lose his mother. I was trying not to move in the pathetic hope that  the bleeding would slow down.

As I lay on the floor, Charles was running around the house trying to organise things - lock the dogs in so they wouldn't disappear, pack a bag, get William's bag ready. William was in bed awake. I kept asking Charles if he was ok. My poor little boy, such a horrific night for him. Charles had told him that he had to stay in bed, that some people were coming to help mummy. I kept asking how long had it been, he would say 5 minutes and I couldn't believe it had been such a short time. I spoke to my guardian angels, said I was not ready to leave here yet. I was not ready. My son needed me. Needs me. I was terrified.

The paramedics arrived after what felt like an eternity. They got me into the ambulance and did all their things - blood pressure, canula in my arm, drip going - and eventually took me back to Bendigo Hospital. I say eventually as it just felt like such a long time for me. They did a wonderful job but the drive still felt like an eternity, I was still bleeding, still having painful cramping and very scared. At the hospital I was put into an isolation room (where I had been the previous night), blood samples were taken, I was hooked up to a blood pressure/heart rate monitor and to a large extent, left to my own devices for a long time. I was still terrified, as I was bleeding, cramping and there was so little checking in on me by the nursing staff. I had to call them to change a drip bag when it was empty, I was monitoring my own blood pressure, which was very low, as no-one else seemed to be monitoring it.

A doctor on duty came, and eventually Dr Wendy appeared again. I finally felt a sense of relief when she arrived. She did another ultrasound and examination, confirmed everything and comforted me. Dr Eric eventually came in as well. His first words to us were a joke about the fact that we had arrived early for our appointment. I was disgusted. He knew what had happened. He fucked up by sending me home to wait until Monday - I'm guessing it was too inconvenient for him to have to deal with it on a Sunday - and he had the nerve to turn up and make a joke to us. This coming from the Registrar of the Ob/Gym department of a large hospital. Disgusted. I have no other words.

From there it was a case of managing my situation, mainly very low blood pressure from the blood loss.   I had my ultrasound at 11am, and the doctors felt it necessary to still perform a D&C procedure. I was made to fast from 6am, so with all the blood loss I experienced, what I needed was something to nourish me, but all I managed were two hot milo's and some cold hospital sandwiches. All of which I was entirely grateful for. That was sometime around 4am, I suppose. I barely slept, I tried to avoid moving, the cramps and bleeding continued for some time but did eventually start to subside. And then I was off to theatre around 1.30pm on the Monday.

I was finally able to leave the hospital about 6pm feeling very shaky, with my blood pressure still low but stable. And now I'm home, we're all home. The ordeal is over. I am trying to recover physically, I'm exhausted, emotional, shaky and doing all I can to eat nourishing foods to build blood. And now we have to process everything that has happened, and somehow come to terms with it. I think the shock, the numb, is only just starting to lift. I hate going into the bathroom. I'm ok during the day but at night, it all starts to come back. 

I am distraught.

Losing a baby is extremely upsetting. It is something that I thought happened to other people, not to me. At some point a few months ago, I must have already been pregnant, I read Katie's blog about losing her baby, about finding at her 12 week scan that the baby had no heartbeat. It struck a cord with me I guess, and it somehow was my biggest fear. And it happened to me. Perhaps somewhere deep in my being I knew what was coming. I know it is common, I know it happens. And to a large extent I was prepared, as I had the feeling that things weren't right. But none of that makes it any less upsetting.

To experience the situation as I did, after I presented to hospital early on, has added so much distress on top of losing the baby. To be turned away from my ultrasound appointment on the Friday before, which I know, know would have showed a baby with no heartbeat, was distressing. Is distressing. It's not that I thought having the ultrasound would be able to prevent losing the baby, it's that I know it would have shown our loss earlier. Surely someone would have helped me earlier? Surely the doctors at the hospital should have known the risks of sending me home to wait, for over 24 hours, when I was clearly miscarrying? Especially given we live almost an hour away? And given how far along with the pregnancy I was? On top of our loss, I am trying to process these questions and I just don't have the answers.

We will bury our tiny baby. If there is one positive thing to come out of this whole ordeal, it is that we can bury our baby. In the garden, outside the dining room window. We will plant a tree in the place to honour our little lost soul. It doesn't make it better, or easier, but at least we can do something. In a way I am dreading it. I know it will be the most painful thing but I can't yet comprehend just how painful. 

I'm taking a break from this space. We need to be still, to take stock, and heal our broken hearts. And  somehow work out where life goes for us, from here.

Summer Rain

A rainy summer evening. A great big puddle. And a rainbow. A huge treat for a little one. And for the little one's parents too, I should say.

I think this is the first time William has actually seen a rainbow. And just last week, he perfected saying the word 'rain-bow' and pointing at rainbows in a book. He said rainbow lots and lots of times after seeing this one.

These are the little things that make your heart sing. The simplest of fun, splashing in puddles and pointing at rainbows.