Sit and Meditate

Morning sun hitting the Zebra Jasper.

I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on meditation and some practical ideas for helping with it, if it's something you're interested in bringing into your life (and if you already meditate). I get frustrated when I read some meditation blogs and web pages and see how complicated people can make the process. It really is very simple. Perhaps that is where the complexity lies, that we just can't deal with that level of simple.

A full breath cycle, watched with full awareness, is meditation. It is that simple. The hard part is sitting still in that space, holding that space, concentrating on the breath cycle, over and over and over again. We want to move. Our mind screams at us and flatly refuses to concentrate on the breath. It wants to think about what's for dinner, or that movie we saw last night, or about the washing that needs to be brought in, the floors that need to be vacuumed and the bills that need to be paid. And the body, well the body doesn't want to sit still any more than the mind does. It wants to fidget, it wants to get up and move, it demands that you move and plays all sorts of tricks on you to get you to move. You suddenly get an itch, that you simply must scratch. Your nose decides to drip, goodness knows you can't let that happen. Your legs scream at you that they will go numb, and then they actually do start to go numb - you can't possibly sit through that.

Actually, you can.

I suspect a lot of would-be meditators give up out of frustration that they're not doing it 'right' when all these sorts of things happen. That it's not turning out how the book/webpage/teacher said, that this supposed blissful meditative state is anything but blissful and that there is something wrong with what they're doing, or they just can't do it. Which is very sad, because in reality, these things happen to everyone. The trick is simply to just be aware of it, and come back to the meditation, every single time.

Every time the mind wanders to think about the washing, there is a moment when your awareness tells you - oh, my mind has wandered, I'm not focused on my meditation at the moment, I'm thinking about the washing. This point, where you become aware of the wandering mind, this is the point where you strengthen your meditation, by going back to the meditation (whatever the focus of the meditation may be). And that is a wonderful thing! That is a new moment of awareness, of choosing to notice the mind wandering, and simply bring it back to the meditation. And this can happen over, and over, and over, and over and over. And that is a meditation. And that is perfect. You can think of the meditation like sitting at a train station, watching trains (thoughts) come and go, and letting them come and go, without worrying about them or getting attached to them. Just keep coming back to the meditation.

And the body, when it tells you that it simply cannot sit still, when every cell of your body wants to move, even just a little bit, that is another beautiful place to build awareness and stillness. Because every time it comes up, where you feel you must move, have to move, but choose instead to sit still anyway, that is strengthening the stillness of meditation. Stillness begins in the body, not the mind, so allowing the stillness to strengthen is an important aspect of meditation. If you simply notice the itch without scratching, what happens? Eventually it disappears. If you nose drips, what happens? Our hygienic programming tells us all sorts of things, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. And if our legs go numb, get pins and needles, what happens? Well, they get pins and needles. You might have to sit for a few minutes more when you come back out of the meditation, give them time to recover, but nothing else happens.

This is not a post about actually doing a meditation, this is simply my thoughts and experience about the process of meditation. There's this idea that you have to have a 'quiet mind' and that if you don't, you're not doing it right. And that's such an unrealistic expectation to hold. Some days, the mind will wander and chatter and jump all over the place, and that's ok. And some days the body will want to fidget, will find strange aches and pains, will refuse to sit still, and that's ok too. And on some other days, the mind is less active, calmer, quieter, and that's ok. And some days the body loves it, wants to sink into the meditation, finds so much peace in sitting still, and that's ok too. My own experience is that the days of calmer mind and peaceful body are more frequent the longer you do the practice (I'm talking a long time, a lot of years). But even then, there are times when the mind races and the body fidgets. It's called being human, and the only thing that makes a meditator is the ability to sit with that, accept it and not attach to any of it. Sometimes, the greatest insights come from the busy mind/fidgety body days.

There is only one thing that makes a meditation a good one for me - and that is simply doing it. Whatever happens in that meditation is not the point. Sitting, showing up, doing the meditation, that is the point.

Idle Chat

I thought yet again that I was going to let go of this space, finish up writing here, but apparently not so. In my meditation, this blog kept coming to me, and in my dreams I was shown again that this blog is to stay. Far be it from me to question guidance like that, and I suppose I better show up and write something again too.

We let go of our little chickens. That was the hardest I've ever had to deal with in terms of chickens. We've lost chickens to cold, dogs and illness; we've re-homed chickens, and I left our last lot behind when I couldn't bring them to town with us, and it has always been, not necessarily easy, but just necessary. When we moved into our little house in this little city I suppose I/we were feeling disconnected from the country, and we missed our chookies so much. So in the little space we had, we got two beautiful Rhode Island Reds, Beryl and Beatrice, and had a little house for them in the garden. I got so attached to those two, probably because they were the most cuddly chickens we've ever had, and the cheekiest, and the friendliest. But as life would have it, the benefits of our feathered friends were outweighed by the extra burden on me to keep them and eventually I had to accept that, as long as we're in this house, we won't keep chickens. We found a lovely new home for them, but gosh, the sadness when they left. I cried a lot that afternoon. I wanted to show my boy that it's ok to cry when we're sad. He cried too, not so much over the chickens, but for the box they left in - from our new vacuum cleaner (months ago) that he's been using as his dryer ever since. So we both did some crying. It's life hey. Better processed and dealt with than not.

I'm missing having more space and being in the country like mad, but I'm working hard on focusing on the positive aspects of where we are. I've been experiencing so much resistance to being here, and I know it stems from the circumstances surrounding why we are here. As a friend pointed out to me, "you didn't choose to come here; you chose to leave where you were". And she was spot on. It was a rushed, spur of the moment decision and where we ended up was dependent on what was available quickly and easily. And not to take away anything from where we live, we have a beautiful, happy home. But whatever the circumstances I've been feeling stuck. That desire to move on, find something more suitable, has been burning strongly, and I've been countering it with focusing my thoughts on stability. Letting myself feel whatever there is to be felt, doing yoga to move through it, finding postures that require stability. It all helps. Giving myself space to really, deeply reflect on what I do want, when we do move on from here. And goodness knows when that will be, I wonder if after all my resistance we might even end up staying here for a good time. Who knows. Moving house often is definitely a strength of mine, be that good or bad (but hey let's leave polarities behind, shall we?), it is what it is, and my only real concern is providing a the best possible home for my boy, and me too.

And it's nearly Christmas again, and I think back to what I wrote heading into Christmas last year (here) and not much has changed. I'm really not comfortable with the idea of Christmas, and my internal discomfort is growing. Funnily enough, I'm more willing than ever to celebrate Jesus in any way, shape or form, but not in the commercial, thoughtless, plastic way that Christmas is rammed down our throats by corporate giants. So I don't know what we will do on Christmas Day in this house yet. Or what to tell my toddler about Christmas. The whole thing is so pervasive in society. At the library, a kind lady gives him a stamp on his hand - and it's a Christmas tree. The marketing in shops, tinsel everywhere (for months now), people very kind-heartedly asking 'what's Santa going to bring you' without a thought that perhaps, for us, there is no Santa. And wondering how the heck to handle this with a 2 year old. Lots of conversations to be had, for many years to come, and lots of expectations to be managed. Wanting to give him the joy of childhood 'Christmas' without the burden of expectation placed squarely by society. The tricky moments of parenting. I will need to do more inner work on this one, I suppose, and see what I know, deep down. For me, I have always loved having a tree in the house and decorating it with beautiful, meaningful decorations. No flashing lights or plastics. Perhaps we can make lots of little clay angels and paint them, and adorn a tree with them to honour and give thanks for their guidance and support. And of course Jesus, we will celebrate Jesus. Perhaps I do know the inner answers after all.

Enough idle chat from me, it's been good to check in here again. I'll be back soon, I promise! (ps I'm having a little giveaway from my shop, details are over on my Instagram account if you'd like the chance to win a handful of beautiful natural crystals!).

What's with God anyway?

I find the concept of 'God' a tricky one, personally, in the way it is represented, traditionally in religion I suppose but it is such a widespread and almost universally-known thing. A tricky one to describe, really.

My biggest point of difference with 'God' is in the dominance of a masculine energy. Essentially, God is the masculine, and Goddess is the feminine. And there is so very little reference to Goddess, from what I can see, whereas God is so commonly referred to - He, Him, God. Yes, the feminist within me (or is the the Goddess energy?) has a problem with that.

See, the way I understand it presently, in speaking to the highest level of being I don't speak to either God or Goddess (what I mean is, I may regularly speak to aspects of God or Goddess, I just don't see that as the highest level of being). I speak to Source, I hold Source as my highest level of being; of being in unity with Source and all that I AM. And what I AM, is simply an extension of Source energy, taking shape in the physical realm here on planet Earth, at this time. To the best of my understanding, there are aspects of my 'self' that reach all the way to Source, and the one I experience in my physical life is but one of those. So even when I think of my 'Higher Self', I specifically refer to the highest aspects of myself in unity with Source, as I want to connect to the top level, you know? Not to the middle guy or girl, not to the one who's only a little bit above me, no; I want to speak to the top, thank you very much. Having said that, I envision a union of all those various aspects of self, all the way up to Source; hence I use the terminology that I do - all that I AM in unity.

Anyway, back to God. I suppose under my current model of understanding (which changes regularly, by the way), I would see 'God' as being somewhere 'up there', but not necessarily at the top, not really Source. From most of the references I see to 'God' about the place, I can only conclude that my 'Source' is the equivalent of what is commonly referred to as 'God'. The reason I see 'God' as somewhere lower down the spiritual food chain is that there have simply been too many 'Gods' - they are in different religions, in different aspects, with different focuses. And I liken it to Goddess - how many Goddess archetypes are portrayed? Many. Many many. As with the Gods. Think Egyptian gods, Pagan gods, more recent Christianity versions of God. I'm not going to name names - there are a lot of 'God' archetypes around, just as there are a lot of Goddess archetypes around, and they share characteristics in common and have some differences.

So, the thing I have the most difficulty reconciling when I see and hear references to 'God' (which is such a personal thing, as I absolutely believe that every person has their own belief systems which are entirely perfect for them) is that it shows a dominance of the masculine energy. When in (my) truth, God and Goddess are both aspects of the same energy. They are the balancing of each other. They cannot be separated, as they are one and the same. It is simply how we see, know and have been educated to see this energy, as a masculine energy. And obviously that has ramifications for the wider spectrum of life on earth, and the dominance of a particular energy over another. Equally there have been periods of dominance of the Goddess energy. But think - wouldn't it be nice to see an equalisation, a realisation that neither energy needs to dominate the other, but rather each brings different aspects of the one energy, and that they are intrinsically one and the same?

A pretty light brush-over for such a huge topic, I know, but so it goes sometimes. A lot around here, actually.

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Just some musings for a Wednesday night. I haven't done a Midweek Musing post in so long! But what are your thoughts? I would love to hear, and I openly state that to my mind there there is no right or wrong in the spiritual world, just different understandings that we all have and that are beneficial to us in our present moment, with none being greater or lesser than any other. And you know, I find this spiritual stuff the hardest things to write about, because it is so personal, but for some reason or other, I feel guided to do so. And it changes, my thoughts and beliefs, so I conclude there will never be a point where I say 'I know' the answer. I don't, I won't. I'm just walking the path and sharing what I find. And in sharing we grow, right?

Midweek Musings: Living Media-Free

We live pretty much media-free here in this little house, my boy and I. We have no TV, we rarely listen to the radio, we buy newspapers during the cooler months to get the fire going, and that's about it. That is it.

Of course we have the internet and I have my phone, so obviously there is a source of media there. But that source is of my choosing, and I choose very wisely. I don't go to any online news sites. If something happens, I hear about it generally through other bloggers or social media sites. I'm choosy about what I follow. And the only advertising I'm ever subjected to is that which I see on blogs. And on the blogs I read, I'm ok with that, as I know the blogger is selective about who they work with.

And do you know what? It's blissful. It really, truly is blissful. We are not bombarded with the over-the-top, hyped out beast that is everyday media. We are not subject to hearing the negative, emotive rubbish our politicians throw about. We don't sit through news bulletins that seem to thrive on drama and negativity. And we are not subject to the manipulation of information by the few, to control the many. We just don't bother with it. I don't bother with it. In my world, it might as well not exist. And it's blissful, it really truly is.

To be honest, we wouldn't have time to watch TV even if we had one. We wouldn't make time. My little boy is growing up without a television to stare mindlessly into. He is instead growing up with a laptop to - stare mindlessly into? I don't know what effect the technology we have today is going to have on our little ones. I sometimes let him watch Xavier Rudd's music channel on You Tube, and he's watched some Clinton Anderson horse training DVD's with me. And that is all.

Short but sweet today. It's really very simple. We don't do mainstream media.

On Doing Nothing

By 'doing nothing', I don't mean literally doing nothing in life. By 'doing nothing', I mean being so still inside, that my response situations I find challenging is to do 'nothing'.

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I've been through my own roller coaster ride of emotions over the past months. I have noticed different ways of dealing with them. Some get hidden, as they're too hard to feel. Some get me all worked up and angry, and see me reacting in ways I don't want to. Some just make me want to cry. And in amongst all of that, I'm often in a fairly happy place. I am most definitely in a place of greater awareness.

It is the awareness that is the important part. To me, when I am aware of what is going on, when I am aware that emotions are simply feelings that arise - important, necessary, essential feelings - when I am aware, I can experience all of them. I don't try to block them, or hide them, or repress them, or express them. Or react to them. I am being in a place of awareness where I can watch and observe, feel and experience everything, every hurt, every pain, every joy, and know that I don't have to do anything.

Not that I don't want to express joy and love and positive emotions; I do. I think perhaps awareness is what gives me the choice of expression, of what to express and how to express those emotions.

So every time I get angry about this or that or the other thing that my husband did or did not do, I am learning to just feel the feeling, let it all go through me, and do nothing.

Every time I feel like I cannot do this on my own, that I don't want to do this on my own, I allow myself to feel it, accept it, embrace it. And do nothing. Except perhaps get on with it.

Every time a hurt that I don't want to acknowledge rises up, I let myself acknowledge it. I let my body feel it, really really  feel that hurt, feel where I'm holding on to it in my body. Feel all the things I want to do in defence of that hurt. And then do nothing.

Every time my life frustrations bubble to the surface, and I'm grateful when they do, I give myself a chance to feel them, fully experience them, and know that I am safe in myself, safe to do nothing.

I think for the first time, I am finding the true learning in my life situations. I am not looking to avoid situations I suspect will be difficult. I am learning to embrace those situations, as they are the ones that give me the best practice at breathing into it, being still, and doing nothing. Truly know that it will pass, that everything, every situation, every feeling, is so fleeting. It all does pass, and to experience it fully in the moment, without avoidance or reaction, is the only way. It just is.

And I'm finding a lot of strength in doing nothing. And I'm finding that I'm getting better at it, the more I practice it. And I could certainly do with some more practice. I'm sure my life path with provide me with plenty.

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I have not been around the blog much of late. I have simply had my hands full, and to be honest, I've been finding a creative outlet in the making of things, rather than the writing of words. It seems to be what works for me, physical movement of my body is what moves energy through me. Be that doing big heavy jobs in the garden, or the repetitive task if picking up horse manure (this is my favourite way to be in the moment, it's quite meditative, truly!), or working quietly on little pieces inside at night. So that is why I have not been typing many words. That, and I'm trying to work out what the heck to do with myself and my little one now (maybe I should just do nothing!). But I'm still around, and the words will flow again.

Midweek Musings: Finding Meaning in Christmas

For a while now, I have been thinking about Christmas. Not about what presents to buy or anything like that. More about what it actually means to us, to me, and how we celebrate the occasion in our little home.

You see, I'm having trouble with it, to be honest. When I think about it, it really makes no sense. In fact a lot of things in Australia make no sense, when you consider that they are traditions from the Northern Hemisphere and we are all backwards and upside down, down here. You know? I mean, we're not backwards really (although from the current government elected by the people of this country, you could argue that point), but really - we celebrate Easter in autumn, and Halloween in spring, and surely these traditions are related to the seasons, yes? Hang on a sec, why do we even celebrate Halloween here? When I was growing up, it was barely heard of, and now it seems like any other major spend-money-on-stuff-you-don't-need occasion. 

And then there's Christmas. From what I can see of the mainstream, it's basically a jab in the arm for the economy. There's plastic trash piling up in shops, toys for kids and adults alike, tonnes and tonnes of junk that people don't need, and that will soon enough be discarded. But it's there to serve a purpose - so that you can spend money and give someone a gift at Christmas. Ok so not everything you might buy as a gift is junk, but I tell you what, when I flick through the catalogues that are hurled at our house (which reminds me, we must put that 'no junk mail' sign up…), but when I flick through them, mostly to see how the other half lives, I simply cannot fathom the amount of crap that the shops are selling.

So what is Christmas all about? We're not religious, and although I'm sure there was once upon a time a dude named Jesus who was all about love and peace and forgiveness (have I got that right?), I think many a tall tale has been spun in the name of religion. And I tend to think that religion, at it's core, is more about power and control than it is about any spiritual practice. No doubt I will offend people in saying that, but I cannot help but see through the tales and the lies. Perhaps it was my family upbringing that has instilled a disdain for the formal religion (my mother was a nun and got out, my father was almost certainly abused under the Catholic system). I don't know. I am most definitely a spiritual person, but organised religion… not my thing.

Anyway, back to the Christmas conundrum. I think for me, true meaning harks back to pre-Christian times, before the manipulation of seasonal celebrations and traditions, when celebrations were based on the earth and the seasons. But I know very little about these celebrations and traditions. And there are aspects to the festive season that I love: the winding down and bringing the year to a close, the sense of excitement, the giving and sharing, the food. So I'm not anti-gift-giving, by any means. I just have a preference for simple, thoughtful, (edible, seasonal, local), don't-cost-the-earth kind of gifts. And in moderation. Surely there are better ways we can show someone that we love them than to shower them with cheap crap?

I want my little boy to experience the joy of Christmas. I want to spend time making yummy seasonal treats, our own little traditions in this house, and the excitement of putting up the Christmas tree, and waking up to some gifts on Christmas morning. I want to make a pavlova to eat for dessert after the Christmas lunch. I want to spend time with close family. I want us to enjoy each other's company.

I do not want to feel an obligation to travel here, there and everywhere to see different people around Christmas time. I do not want to feel pressured to buy presents for people that I barely see during the year. I do not want to come away from the whole thing feeling like my boundaries have been completely trampled by well-meaning but not necessarily thoughtful folk.

So I don't really know. How do I explain to my little one why we put up a Christmas tree, when I can't really tell you myself? What about this little fat man that supposedly comes down the chimney with a sack full of presents? I know my husband isn't keen on that idea, and to be honest, I don't think I am either. I guess like everything in our life, we walk our own path, somewhere to the left of mainstream, and work it out as we go. And I remember the line I've read for a few years now on some of my favourite simple living blogs about gifts - something you want, something you need, something to read. I like that. I think it captures the essence of gift giving, without being excessive or over the top, and directs the gift buying (or making) towards meaningful things.

Tell me, what are your favourite Christmas traditions? What does Christmas mean to you?

Perspective

The honeysuckle is about to burst into full bloom. It is quite a sight really. Way too close to the house, and hasn't had much attention for a long while it seems, but really, a beautiful sight. And the smell, when I step outside for some parsley or to catch a wandering toddler, the smell just gently wafts over and reminds me of the beauty in late spring time. I had originally thought to remove it entirely, but it is winning me over… 

The days are slow here now. I'm taking life as easily as I can, resting well and focusing on the most important things, and not much else. Garden work happens slowly, and we have come to accept that there won't be too many changes over the coming months. All that we want to do, plan to do, we are having to find patience and know that in time, we will get there. Summer is not the time for grand garden plans around here.

Already I find myself looking forward to the cooler autumn days, and we've not yet hit summer. Yikes! The heat robs me of my energy, and the outside jobs wait until later and later in the day.. I think changes are needed to our daily routines, to what we eat and how we prepare our food, to accommodate the different season. This funny mid-season, with it's still-very-cold nights and quite warm days. 

As brown and dry as everything seems already, it will only get browner and drier over the coming months. I know that come June next year all will be green again, and the sky will be the heavy grey that sits so low, which I have come to love so much. Wrapped up in woollens and in front of a cozy fire, my favourite days. But first, summer. I just want to get through, without wilting too much from the heat. For so many years I have been a heat-lover, this change in me to be loving the cold again, it is from some intensive inner work, I guess you could say? For so long, I have had cold lodged in my body, and slowly I have been drawing it out, a little at a time. And I'm reconnecting with a much younger version of me, a me who loved the winter months and hid indoors through the summer. I guess I don't need the summer heat to warm me up so much now. And I'm better equipped in my body to handle the cold.

So many changes are happening in our little home. A little one grows into a little boy so quickly, independent and taking life on his terms. I can't help but feel a little sad, my baby boy is growing up. I guess this is the reality of motherhood, and it is only just the start. 

Midweek Musings… Fitting into the 'system'

A cat, a boy and a dog. All part of the system.

Bit of a late week midweek musing this week. It's been a few weeks since my last musing post and I've missed it. It's not that I've had nothing to muse about, far from it in fact. It's had more to do with no time, and being too exhausted to even think about typing up a little post by the time the day's jobs are done. So anyway, late week musing this week. Enjoy.

For a lot of years now, I have wondered why things are the way they are. It probably started for me when I was working full time in an industry that didn't suit me at all, when all I really wanted to be doing was something outside - running, riding a bike, riding a horse. And I found myself stuck in stuffy offices doing boring work that really, in the scheme of things, didn't matter. 

I'm all about finding meaning in what I do (I wrote a little post about that some time ago). And working as an auditor and an accountant really didn't strike me as being meaningful. I would prepare financial statements, write management reports, make recommendations, and often have to print it all off, bind it up and send it off the the end recipient. Knowing full well that it would not be read, would barely be looked at, and would be stuffed away in a drawer somewhere in case anyone higher up ever came asking questions. 

It was pretty unfulfilling. It was pretty frustrating. And I wondered to myself repeatedly why I was wasting my life doing this. But still, people employed me to do it, they deemed it important, I was paid for it reasonably well. It was not hugely demanding on my resources, mental or physical. It was just demanding on my time. At around the 10 year mark of working like this, I took myself off to career counselling to try and work out what was wrong with me. Why everyone else around me seemed so content with this work situation. I wouldn't say happy, looking around my colleagues I didn't see much overt happiness on display. Perhaps more of an acceptance of how things were.

And I wondered why it was like this? Who decided that working hours are 8:30am to 5pm, or 5:30pm (if not longer). Who decided that you have to wear the corporate attire, that for women generally involves high heels to some degree and totally inappropriate clothing? I mean really. My husband used to wear a tie to his job (also accounting) and routinely referred to it as his 'bib' for the benefit of our little one. William's bib, Dada's bib. I suppose we're a bit similar in our thoughts on this topic, which is to be expected. So wearing uncomfortable clothes, to a job I didn't find any meaning in doing, but which was necessary to pay for rent and bills and new bikes. As much as I questioned it, I couldn't see a way to break free. It is the system we live in. It is just how it is.

It goes so much deeper than that. The employment side of things is just one little piece of the puzzle. There is also the education system, the financial system, the government welfare system, the health system… goodness, the mere thought of dealing with all those systems is enough to make me think about living in a cave. You think I'm joking. I'm not. I wonder with amazement about people who live outside 'the system'.

And I know there are benefits to living within 'the system' - we get roads (more than we need), we get health care (do we? really? I'm not convinced..), we get schools and hospitals and police forces. We get told what the rules are, and we think that by having a choice in the elected government of the day, that we have some sort of say, some input of some kind into what happens in the system.

I was born into this world as a free agent. Nowhere along the line did someone official come along and say to little me 'just sign here on the dotted line, it's standard procedure, just so that you agree to abide by the system'. Nope, that did not happen. We just accept, we are socialised into the system and by the time we finish school, if we're still capable in any way of independent thought, we generally drive ourselves to distraction trying to find ways around the system while still living within it. I don't think that is the norm though. I think most people are so caught up in the system, so totally convinced that it is the right way, the only way, that the mere thought of people living differently sparks anger and outrage. Sometimes curiosity, but in my humble observations of humans, in the parts I've seen at least, there is a strong element of 'if it's different, it's bad'.

I know which system I belong in. It is the system whereby the earth spins around on it's axis every 24 hours, and around the sun every 365 days, give or take. It is the system where the moon waxes and wanes, is full and is new, and where the tides rise and fall. It is the system that see's the intensity of summer gradually replaced with the quiet of winter, only to find itself careering head-first into summer again, all too quickly. It is the system where women instinctively know how to birth their baby, with the help of other women. It is the system where the human body is supported to heal itself. It is the system where children are educated by the family, and the family is important, as is community. Really, really important. It is the system where my own body knows just what to do, as it always has and always will, if only I stop my mind from getting in the way.

That is the system I was truly born into. The rest? I'm not so sure about. 

Midweek Musings… it's not about the money

It's not about the money. Life, it is not about money. Sure, we need a certain amount of money to live on - to build a comfortable home for ourselves, to dress ourselves, to ensure we have food to eat. Much of this we can do with our own hands and our own labour, with just raw materials that really don't cost much. Except perhaps for the house part. 

I think about this blog, and once upon a time I thought it would be good to be able to make money from blogging. But the blog itself, it is not about money. I don't want free stuff from companies, I don't want affiliate links to shops I would never actually buy anything from in the first place, I don't want to write about how great (insert name here) superfund is. Particularly when I don't think compulsory superannuation is that great a thing (material for future musings right there). The things a blogger gets in their inbox.

I have spent a lot of years of my life riding mountain bikes. I have a way with words and explanations and demonstrations that means I am well-equipped to help others ride better. So I ended up working - contracting - with a company that teaches mountain bike skills. It's been a bit of a give and take relationship. But at this point, I can't help but feel that I have done more of the give and less of the take. And I've changed. Not just in that I've become a mother, but in how I value myself. And I'm worth more than that. For me, riding a bike has never been about money. 

I really feel that the serious amount of decluttering we/I have done in the past year or so has changed so many things for us/me. It has had flow-on effects that I would not have seen coming. It means I am less and less able to be 'bought', if that makes sense? When someone dangles a carrot that you're supposed to want - and yes, you are supposed to want stuff - when someone dangles that carrot, and the carrot means nothing to you, then you are in a very strong place. When someone uses bullying and threats to take away a carrot - again, the stuff you are supposed to want - and you can shrug your shoulders and say 'take your carrot'. Then you are in a very strong place.

Life is about life. It is about giving and sharing and learning and growing and healing. It is about love and relating to others and doing what we can to shine. It is not about money. And when you know it's not about money, then you don't have to compromise your values. If anything, you can live them more fully than ever.

Own less, want less, need less. It makes you a stronger person.

Midweek Musings: The Gifts You Feel You Should Keep

A truly perfect gift - little jonquils from the garden, stems removed, given so beautifully by my little boy. 

Oh, we've been de-cluttering again. More on that another time, but needless to say, moving into a smaller house has forced us to get rid of even more stuff. And we thought we had already got rid of the excess. I guess now we're going through it all with a fine tooth comb and the reality (the very beautiful reality) of limited storage space for 'stuff'.

So I come to my topic. Gifts you feel you should keep. You know the ones, wedding gifts, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts. The things that are not quite right, are just not you, the ones you never even liked at all, ever. There is something about the gift that leaves us feeling that we should keep it, regardless of whether or not we like it, use it, want it, need it.

I think part of it is not wanting to hurt the feelings of the person who gave us the gift in the first place. And that is totally valid, no-one wants to go around hurting other people's feelings (not in these parts anyway). But is that enough of a reason to hang on to something that you otherwise would not keep? 

This is the murky waters of serious de-cluttering. In the current box of items to be donated to the op shop sits a waterford crystal bowl, a wedding gift from a grandmother. I don't think we have ever used it. Maybe once when we needed an extra salad bowl? The thing is, it's too good to use. The other thing is, we don't like it. Not the shape, not the style, not the size. It's just not right for us. My husband almost got rid of it once before, but decided against it after I pointed out how much those things cost. He googled it to confirm, and the bowl stayed. 

And now it is destined for the op shop. We have to be ruthless in this business, you know. I guess we could sell it, but I think we just don't want the hassle. Photographing it, setting up an ad online, getting weird text messages about it, having it sit around awkwardly in the house throughout the whole process. Blah. Straight to the op shop for this bowl. Someone somewhere will no doubt find it, love it and have the bargain of the year. But to us, it's value is pretty much nil.

And the pink t-shirt. The one my mum gave me for Christmas a few years ago. The one that was always a bit too small (maybe I'll fit into it one day?), a bit too bright ('but you love pink'), that might be ok to wear running (on the two occasions per year that I actually run, and it's still too small..). Finally, finally I have given up hanging on to it and sent it off to the op shop as well. And the reason I've held on to it for so long? Well, I didn't want to hurt my mother's feelings. To reject a gift from someone, is in a sense, rejecting the person. Only it isn't. It's just a thing, after all.

At our son's first birthday, there was quite a mountain of gifts from extended family. Some small and thoughtful, some large and extravagant and entirely not appropriate. Some were directly against our requests. I can tell you that a bunch of them ended up at the op shop, unopened from their packaging, the very next day. That was quite easy, in comparison. 

I think we could be considered harsh sometimes, but really, we appreciate the thought and effort behind gifts. We do, but we are just not into material stuff. And so finally, we are starting to get past the emotional holds that these things have over us, and just let them go.

How about you? Do you find it hard when you receive a gift that isn't quite right for you? Do you feel the need to keep it anyway?

Midweek Musings… On Houses and Property

Thoughts about houses and property and the property market in general are never that far from my mind to be honest. I have always loved to peruse the real estate section of any paper, and my husband who loves to do the same. So we certainly have our thoughts and discussions and opinions on lots of things property-related.

An ancient mulberry tree in the paddock at our new home. It still fruits, apparently.

We have just moved into what you could call our dream home. It is about 76 years young, has approximately 20 million little holes to be filled (literally, you could see daylight through some of them), has a few floorboards that need replacing in places, has an outside laundry, has a room that needs re-doing due to termite damage (the original bathroom, that we will convert to an inside laundry), has repainting to be done throughout the entire house (some as a matter of need, some because we aren't into the colour scheme in place). It has beautifully narrow doorways into the older rooms - doorways were so narrow 70-odd years ago, why are they so much wider now? It has uneven floors, uneven doorways, uneven bench tops. And to us, it is just perfect. 

I wrote this post a little while ago about what I wanted in a simple home. Looking back, I can tick a lot of the boxes for the home I described. Not all, but most. That was always going to be the case with a wish list. This little house, it is both spacious and small at the same time. We have consolidated and decluttered our possessions so much already, and now we realise we need to do even more. And I think that is wonderful. We will truly keep in our home only those things we need, or love, or need and love. And it is a home with character. Clearly not everyone's cup of tea, as it's been sitting empty for the better part of a year. And I guess it's not much to look at from the outside. Just an old white weatherboard, in need of a wash and some TLC.

Thing is though, one of the things we wanted but never really believed we could get, was a couple of acres within the boundary of a small town. Rural, but still with a community. Some land, but still walking distance to the main road and a few shops. Walking distance to the monthly market. And it only recently dawned on us, that that is precisely what we have got. We never thought we would be able to get it, not because it doesn't exist, but because it doesn't exist at a price we could afford to pay. And yet somehow this little property sat and just waited for us to find it. It almost sold, it fell through, and then it sat, and sat, and sat. We had briefly looked at it online, but originally dismissed it as it only had two bedrooms, (we wanted three). But compromise gets made somewhere, and for us it was there. And I truly believe that this little house was just for us.

And the price we paid for our humble little place? Being fully open here on the blog, we paid (or more correctly, the bank helped us to pay) $160,000. For a little old house, with character and charm and in need of a few repairs (but with good solid bones), on three acres of land, within a nice small town in Central Victoria. A nice town, close enough to Bendigo and with NBN access. A town that we have visited regularly for a few years now, but had never really considered calling home, but a town that I am thrilled to be in, and to raise a family in. And I look at what we have, at this space to share together as a family, for our little one to grow, and learn and explore. And I wonder why - why why why? Why do people flock to overcrowded cities, with ridiculously high property prices - really, really ridiculously high property prices? Why do people lock themselves into huge mortgages that require two incomes just to make ends meet? And to be squeezed in like sardines to boot? Don't get me wrong, I think city living is actually a pretty sustainable way to live, when you can home a lot of people in apartments utilising upward space, and really negate the need for a car when all amenities are close by. I think that is a really good option. The part I don't get so much is the suburban sprawl, particularly the new estate builds. Where the house takes up almost the entire block, with barely any space for a garden at all. Where houses are just big, bigger, biggest. We drive past such houses being built and I wonder how on earth they are going to heat the place. And really, it's not about the money. Sure, you can have all the money in the world to heat a massive house, but just because you can, does that mean you should?

In any case, I am grateful to be just here. I am grateful for the opportunities this little place provides for us, to make a beautiful home, to grow much food, to hopefully get some equine friends to keep the grass down, and to build our family life. I am so happy, just to be here. We have all the time to do what needs doing, and in the mean time, we're busy building family memories to share. And it didn't cost us an arm and a leg, or the earth for that matter.

Midweek Musings… On Greed

Enough really is enough.

I can't help but feel sometimes, that the world we live in is a greedy place. Of course it is, it's everywhere. But me, well for the most part, I keep away, focus on our little life at home. I avert my eyes, focus on the good things and basically pretend a lot of things don't exist. 

But every now and then I come crashing head first into something I try to avoid. Right now it seems to be greed. 

I wonder why? What drives someone to want to take more than they need? Why is enough not simply 'enough'? 

I remember as a young girl, getting terribly upset one Easter when I got one beautiful giant easter egg. It was a quality chocolate egg, with pretty sugary flowers stuck to it, and it was big. But all I saw was "I only got one egg, my brother and my cousins got lots and lots of eggs". Now I was the oldest by a good few years, my egg was a beautiful quality egg, the other kids got lots of littler chocolate eggs with lots of brightly coloured wrapping. You can see the difference. And so I got upset, and I got told (to grow up). And eventually I came to see, that having more was not better. And that what I had was beautiful, and it was enough, and there was no need to compare what I had with what anyone else had. I hope I have carried that lesson with me.

Greed is a pretty ugly thing. It repels me. I can step back, feel detached and see into the soul of a person displaying greed (which is so much easier to do when it is a person; when it is an organisation or institution, it becomes harder to feel the compassion). I suspect that greed comes from a feeling of lack, of not having enough. Or perhaps of not feeling fulfilled in life, of always needing more to quell the desire for happiness, or something, but perhaps not finding it. And then seeking even more, rather than looking elsewhere for the true source of happiness.

And then I'm human again and I get caught up in the emotion, and waste time and energy feeling agitated about people being greedy. Organisations being greedy. Institutions being greedy. More, more, more. Me, me, me. More, more, more. 

I don't want to say that I'm never greedy. Of course, at times I am (usually involving cake). Probably anyone who is human is, or at the very least feels it to some degree. But I think it becomes a problem when it is a dominant character trait.

And my husband and I have the discussions, what ever happened to a fair days pay for a fair days work? Why does the lazy tax even exist? Why do people try to take advantage of one another? And sadly, it all comes down to money. Seems everyone just wants more money.

Don't get me wrong, we could do with some more money too. But I think there is a balance between having enough (we have enough) and having excess. And interestingly, thinking these thoughts as I am, this post came up as I flicked to one of my favourite blogs these days. I will call it a little synchronicity. 

I don't know. These are just my musings, after all. What can you do, other than just live your own values and avoid the things that clash. And when they do come up, what to do? I think for the little humans in this house, we're discovering just where our boundaries lie. The true boundaries, the ones you don't compromise on. And it is uncomfortable sometimes to hold the boundary. But we are endeavouring to do just that.

What do you think?

I thought I'd write a regular mid-week post that is essentially a brain dump of the thoughts that float around in my head. Better out than in, I say. Who knows what will appear! This is the first in the series. 

Pieces of Me

I've mentioned a few times lately how I've been a bit 'meh' about my blog of late. I know a lot of it has to do with where we're at just in life right now. Here I am, writing a blog called 'dusty country road', but back living in a regional town, with asphalt roads everywhere and no dust to be seen, only road grit and grease. At first it was easy to keep up the momentum with blogging, as we knew we were only in this place as a stopover to our next spot. But with no end date in sight, and no destination either for that matter, it started to feel like we were just - here. 

In a month of so we'll be moving into a new (to us) place - and is has dusty country road access. I like that. It also has sealed road access, and a view of a huge grain silo across the road. It has more space than we had before, and we talk about getting a pony. And you know, equines are social animals so it's best to have more than one, so maybe small horse for me. Ha! Like I have time to manage any more animals. But still, who knows. Maybe we will. And then I see photos on Think Big Live Simply of so much space devoted to growing vegetables and I start to dream of that too… 

I took a trip out to see the place recently, and on the drive back into town, had to stop for sheep on the road, being moved from one paddock to another. I haven't had to stop for sheep since we left our little old house almost a year ago. And I remembered that I like a slower pace of life. And I remembered that I like driving slower, I'm happier to sit on 80km than 100km. I'm happier when there is no rush. I'm hopeful that we can find a balance in this new place we've found - a slow, simple country life for us, but without the isolation we felt previously. I'm hopeful that we can find our community and feel truly 'at home'. 

And I can tell you, I'm glad we've done so much decluttering in the past few months. Our plan was always to spend time at this stopover house 'sorting things out' - getting rid of excess stuff, streamlining finances, paying off stubborn debts. We have certainly done a lot of that. So I start to look forward to a different life once again. Part of me is apprehensive about it - what if it's too hard? Too much work? There is much work to be done there, and we know already that it will take more than we think. Can we do it, and create the warm and welcoming family home we dream of? 

I hope so. I really, really, really hope so. I'm looking forward to sharing some images with you. In the mean time, I once again turn my thoughts to packing boxes and moving, and doing so with a toddler in tow now, rather than a little baby. And I know that our stopover house where we've spent the past 9 months will always have a place in my heart; it's the place where my baby turned into a toddler, and he has made this his home so well. So I guess there is a little sadness to say goodbye to here also. New beginnings and endings. Little pieces of me, right now. And my favourite photo, my little boy at the window. 

Being absent from blogging

I gotta say, I'm feeling a bit disconnected from my blog right now. I've hardly been in this space for what feels like ages and I've almost forgotten what to do. Seriously.

I knew my blogging would be a bit reduced, what with taking on a new course and all, but I didn't realise how all-consuming it would be. All the little bits of time when I would have been blogging, or taking photos, or editing photos, are being diverted into course work. Which is great, I'm still loving it, but I'm missing this little space. And all the lovely readers who visit here too. I miss you!

I still go through my days composing this blog post or that in my head, but I don't get that time to sit and tap them out on the keys, into something hopefully meaningful and coherent and press the 'publish' button. I've started writing a bunch of posts, and abandoned them half way and never finished them, and I probably won't. I don't like drafts hanging around for long. If it's there to be written, I'll write it and be done with it, is my usual way of operating.

And the longer I'm away from this space, the harder it is to start back. Have you ever experienced that? I don't know what to write! Should I write about our changing rhythms in the colder months? Or my experience of breastfeeding a toddler? Or what about that soap I made a while back, that I never got around to writing the post about? Or maybe my weekly menu planning thing that I do. Perhaps a recipe? I definitely want to share a few links with you, some people have been up to some great stuff. And what about an Instagram post, they're always good when time is short. 

So here I write a little ramble instead. I hope I can get back into the swing of things with my blogging again. And possibly branch out from just posting photos of either my son in the 52 series, or flowers. Have you noticed? I have. Time to branch out and flex the creative muscle! 

A little link to leave you with. These gorgeous chicken drawings by my blogging buddy Joanna. Some of these have arrived in my little hands and I cannot wait to mount them on a wall (soon, in a new home..). Maybe I should write that post about how we had 2 chickens, then 1, then 3, then 8, then 7, then 5, and then 2 again. Next time.

It's good to be back!

Wintery musings

I am loving these days of winter. We are keeping warm, rugging up, indulging in warm coats and beanies. I think I am starting to come to terms with winter in Central Victoria. Grey, heavy skies are the norm, sometimes with rain, sometimes not. Quite different to the Canberra winter I grew accustomed to for most of my life. I don't miss the super cold nights of a Canberra winter, but the brilliantly sunny days do more than make up for a chilly night. Still. There is something so beautiful about the heavy skies here, and wearing bright, cheerful, colourful clothes helps. Adding warmth and colour to a grey background. Ask me in late August, I may not be loving the grey skies quite so much. But right now I am.

I have been eating meat. I have been a vegetarian for some years now, and prior to actually making the vegetarian decision, I rarely ate meat anyway. When I was pregnant I started eating some fish again, and have kept that up. But this winter, I have had to start back on some meat. My body needs the nourishment. My reserves have been drained, with pregnancy, having a baby and sustained breastfeeding. I was feeling flat, cold, tired, with a fog in my body and my brain. So I heeded some sound advice (despite having ignored similar advice received earlier) and carefully, mindfully, I have added some meat to my diet. Making chicken stock with organic bones. Slow oven-cooked lamb chops, in tomatoes and red wine. Making sure I get meat with bones, and cooking slowly and gently, to draw out the most nourishment. My body is responding well, and where I thought I would have trouble with eating it, I have not. And the fog in my brain is lifting; I feel more like an earlier version of 'me' that I thought had gone.

Our afternoons always have a walk, a bundled-up-against-the-cold kind of walk. We take the pram, and William sits under a blanket. He holds the dog leads, or munches on an apple, and we head down to the local park. We walk near the lake and feed the ducks, or watch the kids at footy practice, or take a ball and bounce it around. Always William hops out to do some walking of his own, taking the dogs on their leads (he is getting so good at hanging on to them!), choosing the direction and setting off with purpose. Toddlerhood is an amazing thing to watch. It has it's frustrating moments, I am the first to admit that. But the balancing factor is the pure joy and amazement, watching this little person interact with his world. Seeing him engage, making things happen as he thinks they should, being his own independent little person. Exhausting and exhilarating, all in one.

And in the garden, there is an abundance of green. Broccoli heads grow large, weeds shoot up in an instant (or so it seems), broad beans tower over the rainbow chard, and the celery just grows and grows and grows. Bare leaves of the plum tree against these grey skies, reveal birds hopping around on the branches; in summer, we can only hear them but in the stillness of winter, we can see them too. Bulbs have been planted, and we wait and wonder if we will get to see them bloom. House moves are on the cards; our decision to move on from here has a domino effect and we make our house available for others to view, potentially as their new home. My work in the garden now, is just out of love for the process, and hoping that someone else will enjoy seeing flowers come to life in springtime. But I also plant in pots, to make sure I have something to take with me. And a cutting of the beautiful climbing rose, I will definitely take a cutting or three. 

How is winter looking in your neck of the woods? Or summer, if you're in the Northern parts?

New Directions and Where I Am

I might as well say it right here on the blog - there have been some big changes of late in my neck of the woods. Along with all this decluttering, or perhaps as driver for the decluttering, I find myself enrolled in a new and very different (for me) course of study. Something that is far, far removed from the heavy textbook-based courses I've previously done. And it has meant withdrawing from the course I was already doing, which was naturopathy.

Thing is, I'd barely touched my naturopathy books for months and months and months. And it dawned on me that I probably wasn't going to pick them up and start studying again. And it also became apparent what I do actually enjoy doing, and what I could potentially do to earn a living at some point in the future. So, out with naturopathy, and in with a diploma in graphic design, part time and online. 

So I'm in, and it's happening, and I'm loving it. I have never 'loved' study before, I've just done what had to be done to get through it. But this is totally different, and it's doing things I enjoy and it certainly doesn't feel like study. It's been a bit tough finding the time to myself to actually do it, and juggling things around at home to squeeze an hour or half here and there, but somehow we're managing. And a few less blog posts as well.

I'm finally allowing myself to follow a creative path. I can say I was fairly well conditioned to follow a sensible path through life, which is how I ended up doing the degree programs I did and spent ten years of my life being an accountant. A complete case of square peg round hole. And the constant job-hopping that ensued since I kept hoping that I would find a job that suited me. A lot of conditioning there, that had to be recognised and undone before I could follow this path. And this path has been on the radar for some years now.

Anyway I'm not sure exactly where it will take me. I know what I want to achieve in the end but I'm loving the new direction, and seeing new doors open up for me is just what I needed. I'm drawing. Drawing! I quit drawing when I was grown up enough to stop drawing horses all over everything (some time ago now..). And learning new tricks on the macbook that I can already apply in things I do for fun. So I'm very, very happy. 

Anyway, enough about that. What you really need to know is that today I'm guest posting on Think Big Live Simply, contributing to the series that Becs is running called 'A Meaningful Garden'. It's a beautiful series she is putting together and I'm completely honoured to be contributing. I'd love it if you would hop over and take a look! Becs writes a lovely blog that is full of beautiful images and inspiring words. Well worth lingering over with a cup of tea.

You will also find me in the kitchen making a delicious pear, walnut and coffee loaf, the perfect autumn treat. And because now that I'm back on the coffee train, any excuse is a good excuse. 

Drifting Along

We've been living in this regional town for eight months now. Eek, even writing that is a surprise, I thought it was more like six months. We came here because we needed to make a change, life in our little house on a dusty country road was just not right for us. And it was a good change. It has allowed us to live more simply, to drive the car less, to look after a smaller piece of land and enjoy the benefits of town living. I am most grateful for this, being at home with a young child. But we definitely miss our space and quiet, and we wonder how to find our way back to more rural living once again.

We didn't have much of a plan as to how long to stay here, in this town. And we find ourselves constantly back and forth now in indecision. Do we stay here longer term? Do we stay here short term then go somewhere else, somewhere that might suit us better? And if we're going to do that, then maybe we should just go somewhere else, right now? And the reality of life provides our checks and balances; the places we consider for the future are beyond our budget at this point in time. And we circle around in our thoughts again. Perhaps here is where we're meant to be. It is good, right now, just here.

And we lament about property prices in Australia, and how the family home is now a commodity, an investment, a means to an end rather than an end in itself. And we question a world where two incomes are required in most areas if a home is to be affordable - but at what cost? I am adamant that I want to be at home with my child, rather than put him in day care. My husband is fully supportive in this regard. This is a very touchy subject and I in no way want to open the working mum vs stay at home mum can of worms. Each to their own. But I do think there is something wrong when there is no choice, when two incomes are needed, where one is not enough.  

And then we think, well, here in this town, one income is enough. And we are happy here, and we have a lifestyle we enjoy. It doesn't have the one thing I would love most, and that is a Steiner school for our son to attend in a few years. And if we were to move close enough to a Steiner school, well, we'd be needing the two incomes again, and that would defeat the purpose of our chosen way to bring up this boy. So home schooling is most definitely on the agenda. We would need a network though, a community of other home schoolers. A way for our son to interact, make friends of his own, build his own community. 

I do miss the working world sometimes. I miss having a professional role in life. But the value I place on being present, not just physically but in mind and in spirit, far, far outweighs this. And all the while, we dig in the garden, and work on and in the house, and make connections in the community here. And I know I need to switch off the mental functions thinking too much about the future, and just enjoy where we are right now. Perhaps this is the place for us after all.

I do think capitalism is a most flawed system though. The fundamental flaw being the assumption that people are logical and rational. I did an economics degree back in the late 1990's/early 2000's. I was too young to question much of what I was taught back then, I just accepted it. But now I question it. I question a lot of things we are led to believe are for our best interests, when clearly they are not. Thoughts for another post, another time. For now, we are happily drifting along in our indecision. Who knows where it will take us. Maybe all the way back to here, after all.  

In The Real World

Wow. I had no idea how much of my head space is devoted to blogging. I mean, I don't blog that much really, but when I wrote a post last week about easing off a bit, doing a bit less, well it's not a big change in blog output really, but it has been a HUGE change in my headspace. Like I said, I had no idea how much blogging had crept into my everything. And in it's [not quite] absence, things have been happening in the real world that I have been putting off for a long time. 

I've been learning new things. I finally decided it was time to learn how to make a granny square, a little late since I first picked up a crochet hook eight years ago. Over the Easter weekend I immersed myself in the 'Granny A Day' tutorial series by the lovely Pip over on Meet Me At Mikes. If you're interested to learn, I would recommend these as Pip has a great way with the videos. I normally avoid videos online. Anyway I'm super excited to be finally making a pretty granny square blanket. And there are so many ideas for new things to make, and the ever-growing stash of pretty yarns is calling my name. But one thing at a time.

I mentioned in some posts a few weeks back about a little weekend trip to Mt Buller, an alpine resort in Victoria. A mountain bike mecca during the summer months, and our trip up was part of an Instructor Retreat with the company I do skills instructing for. I was so anxious about the trip for so many reasons - how will we cope with a 5 hour drive and a 13 month old, how will I cope with being away from him on big trails that may take a while to get back from, how will I cope with Mt Buller when I'm so unfit - just a few of my concerns. But we went, we did it and it was so so good. I realised all over again how much I love mountain biking, and it was the best having my little family there with me.

I've been thinking for a long time about starting up a women's mountain bike monthly ride in my home town, but I've been putting it off and finding reasons to not do it. There are lots of reasons to not do it. When I was up at the retreat, the whole group was sharing where things are at in their local areas and I was lamenting my situation a little. To be surrounded by a room full of support to start a ride up was just wonderful. So I'm doing it, and if no-one shows up [my fear], then at least I get a ride in regardless. I started a similar thing going in Ballarat a few years ago under a club there and it is still going stronger than ever, so I know it can be done. At the same time, I feel a bit like 'can I really do it again?'. 

So that's me, trying to find a new balance between time online and time out in the real world. And I've got crocheting to do! 

How do you balance yourself between being online and real life stuff? Do you have balance?

Easing Off

I've been reading with interest a spark amongst bloggers to back things off a bit, focus on quality posts over quantity of posts, a movement termed 'slow blogging'. Firstly Jodi and then seconded by Becs. Well, I'm throwing my hat in the ring too. Which is not easy for me, as I love blogging regularly! But I think I need to give myself more space away from the blog, and focus a little more on my daily tasks at hand. I find myself feeling quite scattered a lot of the time, from trying to do too many things in too many different directions. And something has to give, other than sleep.

Which is not to say I won't be blogging, of course I will still be here. Just not quite as often as I have been, and in an entirely intentional way, not a 'drifting off losing interest' kind of way. 

So, in saying that, I'll be posting here roughly twice a week. And I'll be dropping my 'In The Garden' posts that I've been doing on Friday's. As much as I have enjoyed poking around the garden with my camera, and actually noticing much more of what's going on out there as a result, I've often found myself racing to get it done with a self-imposed 'deadline', and that isn't always fun. And blogging for me is fun. I have really enjoyed the peeks into other people's gardens who have joined me, Simone and Wendy and Alicia and Ailsa. Thank you all! Anyway this Friday will be my last 'In The Garden' post but if you want to keep it up, that would be pretty cool.

I will keep playing along with the 52 Project on Practicing Simplicity, I'm actually really enjoying the challenge of a portrait of William, without necessarily showing his face [an 'unportrait', apparently]. I love capturing the essence of this boy, where he's at and what he's up to. I was thrilled and humbled to have Jodi list my 14/52 image amongst her favourites for the week. I admire her photography so much and would never have imagined that one of my images would make her favourites list. They tend to be happy snaps for the most part, on the iPhone no less. I mean I always try to capture something interesting but still, it's more like 'quick, he's doing something cute, where's my phone'. I guess that's what parents everywhere do [these days!].

So I shall see how I go with this less-frequent-blog-posting thing. It won't be easy. There are too many words in my head that need an outlet. I may fall off the wagon and be back more regularly by next week. In which case I will say 'hey, at least I tried'. 

Do you ever feel the need to let go a little, when you're trying to do too much? Do you try to do too much? What works for you?

Good Things Take Time

So said my husband this afternoon. And they do. In particular, yummy new homemade soap takes time to be ready to use, six weeks of curing time. And the green tomato chutney just made takes three weeks to mature in the bottle. But the sentiment can be applied to much more than these two simple examples. 

In a world that seems to be dominated by promises of instant gratification, where you can have what you want right when you want it - when we expect to have what we want and take it for granted that we can - in this world, it is nice to slow down and wait for the good things. Of course we could go to the shops and buy soap and chutney and have both things right now. But we don't want to. It wouldn't be the same, the end product from a factory running a distant second to our products made at home with care, attention and pride.

I spent most of my twenties wanting things 'right now' without waiting for good things to take their time. Be it a house, or saving the necessary funds to be able to buy a house, or reaching a level of fitness a few rungs above where I was already, or the high-paying job that I kept chasing [because whatever you earn, there is always a higher paying job]. Some lessons are only truly learned the hard way, and hearing those words from my husband today, is perhaps a reminder to me in other areas of my life right now.

Because for all I have learned to slow down, roll with the seasons, go with the flow; for all that, I still find myself sometimes wanting to be further ahead than where I'm at right now. And even writing that sentence seems silly. To want to be further ahead than where I am? That would be wishing my life away, and that's just silly.

And I remember to slow down, breathe, look around me. Notice my energetic almost one year old son in his busy play, notice the abundance of soft pink and white blooms outside the kitchen window as I stand washing dishes, and be grateful for having hot running water to wash those dishes in. Being right where I am right now, enjoying the journey to good things. And remembering that it does take time, in this life. The truly good things take time, and enjoying the present moment is the only way to be.

The irony of a post titled 'Good Things Take Time' and an image of green tomatoes. I needed the space in the vegie garden! And the green tomato chutney will be delicious.